Already Cancelled

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I'm starting to feel that what start off as a harmless crush is now developing something more desirable wow I don't
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know if this is if this is a direct result of all the negative in my marriage at the moment but I'm starting
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to find that my thoughts are more leaning towards this individual and away from my
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wife already cancelled already canell already canell hey and welcome to
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already cancelled make sure you s u s c i i s a i b e that was horrible why
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would you even start like why spell it you not spell there's something about there's something about spelling that
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just makes it stick yeah but you didn't spell it s u b s c r i b e subscribe got
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it you got it you got it I was I was worried there for a second I won't lie did you read something online that said
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if you spell it out for oh my God you're spelling it out for them you don't do I need to spell it out for you is that
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where it comes from is it is it like an actual thing uh psychology I don't want to really reveal the knowledge or reveal
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that that teaching that particular teaching because there's some sort of value to it it's all right you keep it to yourself I'll keep it to myself but
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yes it's KZ of visha and do please do so subscribe and catch up on all the controversy and comedy that we bring to
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you three days four days a week I guess four episodes a week I think right now yes right now four episodes a week we B
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yeah that's right that's right um that's Yaz over there this is annisha over here and I'm Ken just in case you've never
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watched any of this before or listen to this before listen yeah just listen you'll figure out who's who
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uh how are we all feeling good yeah feeling good feeling baby hey uh we got hit up um by a listener who's been
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listening to us for a while now with a pretty serious um life circumstance that
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he's dealing with um we're calling him Jacob today everybody so we'll get to his life circumstance we're going to
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touch on uh Nishi and her husband and some of the stuff that she's dealing with oh what's wrong oh nothing this is
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but I I I feel like I'm going to get a roasting for this I'll just I'll just oh have a disclaimer here right now okay we
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we'll get to that and uh we'll touch on some stereotypes we did the Indian stereotypes and it blew up and everyone
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was watching and listening and weighing in on certain stereotypes of Indians that Nishi address which was great but
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now we're about to really blow up cuz oh my God wait what what happened we'll get
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to that a little bit later but of course we here here at Hills podcast studio uh B Vista Hotel uh we do the podcast from
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so let's get straight to this Council Corner guys someone from the council squad has contacted us his name is Jacob
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Jacob are you there with us on the line yes I am team thank you very much
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Jacob everybody yeah not not too bad not too bad but at the same time not too great
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not too great either hence my reaching up to you guys all right well let's let's let's get into this um and and and
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break down what you're going through because when you sent this message through to us it did seem like you were
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you were in a really hard hard head space with the current situation you're dealing
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with that that's right so just a bit of um I'll try to keep the background um as
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as relevant as possible so um I'm a married man my wife and I have been married for approaching 10 years now and
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like uh like most like a lot of relationships marriages Etc it hasn't always been Rosy but that's life you go
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through issues you discuss them you move you you move on from them yeah but over
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the last over the last two I'll say two to three years there's been a lot more negative a lot more negativity and
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positivity with the love between us and I say that because now we don't y on we
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don't y on this SC we don't throw things so you I'm truly grateful for that but
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when some things but when but when some things are said there are a lot of things that I take to heart and just recently when I said just recently this
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was in the last couple of months we had we had um one of our arguments and my wife is my wife is turned around saiding
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you know look I wish we never met now that's something something like that is
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incredibly harsh and look she did try to turn and say look I didn't mean what I I didn't mean that Etc but let's I said if
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you say something it can't be it can't be taken back so we have been trying to work with these issues for quite a while
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now over the last few weeks um you know look I've been in a bit of a Down bit of
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a Down more down than positive I've developed what I thought was going to be a harmless crush on a go um on
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someone on someone who works in the same in the same building as me I have no
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have no directs mother except in passing we'll see each other at Lun time stay high Etc but I'm starting to find that
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the more we spoken I'm finding that uh we we we've actually got a lot more in
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common than what I'm L to believe and I'm I'm starting to feel that what start off as a harmless CR is now developing
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something more desirable wow now I don't know if this is I don't know if this is
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if this is a direct result of all the negative in my marriage at the moment this we're all human beings with the
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mind can wer astray to what could be what we like what we don't like things like that but I'm starting to find that
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my thoughts are more leaning towards this individual and away from my wife now I do love my wife but I'm not in
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love with her so to me they're two separate they are two separate things now this is as a direct result of what
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of of all the negativity recently so to throw SP in the works the girl that I've developed this crush on and I'm starting
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to feel a lot more stronger towards she's going to be leaving she's going to be leaving the company all together at
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the end of this week she's put in her resonation she's found a job somewhere else so I'm quite torn at the moment as
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to as to whether I should perhaps speak up and speak up and just say look I've
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actually started develop feelings here um because let's face I'm still married
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so it's it's morally wrong but also at the same time um if an opportunity if an
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opportunity to present himself to say something I mean should I take that opportunity I mean I run the risk of her
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saying no I run the risk of her saying you I appreciate that thank you very much I run the risk of her saying you
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know I don't want to speak to you anymore but on the flip side I also run the risk of her saying you know I feel the same way and that's going to throw
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another Span in the Ws oh God this is insane let me ask you this question so so what
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you're dealing with here Jacob you've got two you got two pro two things you're dealing with here is your
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marriage and then obviously this feelings towards another person with and they directly affect each other let's
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just take a step back and look at the marriage for example for for a second now first and foremost we are not professionals just want to just want to
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clear that up um but we do have thoughts and we do discuss a lot of these issues on a daily basis um two of us are in
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married relationships one of us is single and uh we've got experiences so it's it's it's important that you
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understand that before we jump into this um absolutely that's great is your is
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your marriage um okay you said you've been together for 10 years do you have kids together we we do have a child together
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I have a child um I have children from a past relationship and my and my wife has children from a past marriage as well so
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the blended it is a blended family and we do have the one that we had together okay so that makes things a whole lot
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more as well difficult in this time how old is um your kid the one that you have
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together okay so she's uh she's eight years old um she been she'll be 29 in uh
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in a couple of months actually okay now she's actually she's quite switched on with the fact that not everything is
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right right she comes to me now she's she's a lot more closer to me than mom okay um look I have not I certainly have
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nothing I have nothing against her I'm I'm more used to the children being closer to Mom than Dad so the fact that she cl to me I'm Ling it don't get me
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wrong yeah but she's even she's even said to me recently she go she even said she go Dad um you're you you're not as
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happy as you used to be and why is that so I've had to I've had to steer around by I've had to steer around by saying
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look things are things are busy at work it's just been a stressful day at work yeah I'll be all right yeah of course
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don't put that pressure on her 100% 100% right especially
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especially if especially because something like this it could EAS brush itself aside and Rewind no harm no doubt
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but it also could escalate into something else it could escalate into something else as well so she's been completely shielded by this can I ask
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you what what what do you think are the root causes of the ups and downs in your
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marriage the main the main thing is U more more so more so with how um I guess
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say our respective children like not like not the have together but more so like what the other children are treated
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now I say that because um there was an incident a couple of weeks ago where my son came over he um um um he he said
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something quite he said something um quite nasty to my daughter how old is he how old is he by the way jaob just real
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quick he he's uh he's 16 okay okay he's he's he's 16 he saids something quite
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nicy um my wife stepped in and had words to him um she was really blunt with him
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I'm all for that I appreciate that he did he did the wrong thing he he needed to be dealt with yeah now my wife's son
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who's 19 did something a lot more serious oh and he he barely got slap on
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the wrist oh that's not on so so okay so you feel like there's unfair treatment towards the
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kids ex exactly that's been the cause of a lot that's been the cause of a lot of our discussion SL arguments you know
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look we be sign here joh look at joh that you one one
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child gets one child gets special Tri gets special Tri than the other yeah we've gone through this whole song of
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dance over the last the last years well what's it it is incredibly tiing what's her response to it when you say okay
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well this has happened and he's you know your son's getting better treatment like what is her response to
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that her response her response is well his my son I should be able to deal with
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them her place but then she can do it can deal with your son the way she pleases as
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well that's and as I said if my son's done the wrong thing I expect you to be held
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accountable yeah right but at the same time I expect I expect everyone to be held accountable in this pretty much
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equally yeah exactly I get that that that's fair that's a fair call so Jacob your question for us today is what do
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you do with this situation what do you do with the situation with your wife and the situation with the girl you
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currently work with who's leaving right you want you want you want to get our advice on what you should do right
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absolutely yes so so yeah the main thing is that um is is whether or I actually
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speak up to this girl who's leaving and say look look I hold some sort of feelings toward
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you or look I really like you Etc or do I just brush or brushes aside because there is every chance that I may not see
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this person again um I don't know where they moved on to I know that I know that
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she she doesn't look too far from me when I say too far it's more on a radio perspective like I live in a certain part of southw
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Sydney and she's not she's I think maybe a handful of suburbs far handful of
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suburbs away okay so and this is more one of those one of
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those an opportunity a potential opportunity is presented itself do I do I do something about or do I just let it
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slide all right Jacob I've got one question for you let's say you lived in an absolute perfect world where you
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could create exactly the life that you want right now would you want your relationship with your wife to be fixed
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and have a happy relationship there or would you rather start something new with this new girl if you had a perfect life and you could choose it what would
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you want the outcome to be
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now I've been watching multiple as funny as it sounds I've been watching multiple
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episodes ofia I've been watching into i' I've been looking to looking listening to like advice from I guess you say Dr
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guess say Dr Phill in a manner of speaking um and guys right
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now I'm nowhere near close to being to being able to answer that question that's how conflicted I am right now uh
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have you and your have you and your wife have you and your wife sorted out any professional help have you have you guys tried to go and see someone to discuss
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your issues together we have we have attempted to do
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so um um she's she's battled on me once and I'll and I'll bow on her and I'll
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bow on her once we've done that because before doing so we seem to resolv our issues at the time so we felt that at
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the time that perhaps professional talk wasn't necessary but here we are again
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okay the same same same thing goes over and I think that would be something that you would want to do a step one and I'll
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tell you the reason why a lot of people think that counseling for relationships are only something you do when there's
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bad things going on and not something you can do to uh when there's in a when you're in a good place um and that it's
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not necessary it is it is super super important to always better the way that
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your relationship can be there's always going to be imperfections there's always going to be uh things that you guys struggle with and that gets masked by
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spending time together and having great times that gets M by you know children and and and all those and all those
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great things that come from a a partnership but if you're able to you know it's unfortunate that you both you
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know bailed and did that and I think I'm very sad to hear that because I feel like that step is absolutely Paramount
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before any other step is taken is to actually seek because it it would offer you insights and and tools that will
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improve your connection so I think and especially your communication cuz what it sounds like now is there there's a
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there's a lack of communication skills between the two of you um and the connection is is broken down now those
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things that you uh say about you know his her kid and your kid in the different treatments that can be solved
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via effective communication with each other um with a professional that's sitting down there now obviously if that's the
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case and it's too far gone like he has said the perfect world I have a question for you what are your expectations
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though from telling this coworker that you have feelings for her what's what are you expecting to happen from
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that I'm the main expectation I'm taking what I'm I'm hoping for is is simple I
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appreciate you speaking up you know thanks for you thanks thanks for thanks for being thanks for being honest Etc um
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I'd also come I'm come to learn that um that especially over the last especially
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over the last day or two especially see you especially seeing as how this is her
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final week that um that I've had to go by her office and
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I've I've tried to avoid her just I've tried to avoid her but not but not
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making it obvious so yeah but there seems to be seems to a bit of EX in her body language whenever I walk out so
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look I can be I can be a classic overthinker yeah that's that is a trade of mine that is a trade of mine I've
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really put my hand up for that so it it's entirely possible that um that
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there are no feelings from her towards me and if that's the case fantastic but
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um if there are if there are feelings from her towards me then obviously that
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that puts a lot more pressure that puts a lot more pressure on me but every I'm going back to UK and
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expectations I'd be my expectations would be just to have a look as I said I appreciate you speaking now thank you
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for being on us we stop with that but what is that going to do for
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you well yeah that's and then this is where this is where we this where we
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truly find out truly can that I've opened up so
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so there's there's potentially there's potentially no good that could come of this potentially Jacob can let's flip
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the script for a second imagine she has found someone at her workplace and she
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has developed a crush and she's in this exact same predicament what would you
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want her to do I would want her to be up front with
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me with how she feels about everything yeah and I mean everything so so and what do you think your reaction would be
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like Jacob if she was to come to you and say that yeah that's I'd certainly be
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appreciated with the fact that someone feels that they're that they're strong enough to come to me with such with such opinions with such opinions um my
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response could be my response could be a different story yeah um but but at the same but at the same
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time I'm a fan of honest honesty is the best policy yeah yeah so
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go ahead so look I think I think ultimately if that's if that's how you
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feel about the situation that honesty is the best policy and like me personally I
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also agree I think Honesty is the best policy I think it makes the most sense
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in my opinion yeah that you should do or treat her the way you would want to be treated ultimately at the end of the day
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oh yes and no I'm going to have to say yes and no Jacob all I can do is give you my opinion here the fact that she's
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leaving your workplace you've been given a get out of jail free card okay you've got two options here if you let her
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leave and then you never speak to her again those feelings will disappear and you'll be able to work on whatever you need to work on with your wife and
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continue that but that's only if you want to do that if you don't want to work on anything with your wife and you don't want to rekindle that relationship
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and you don't want that spark to come back and you don't care about it that's a different story but if does that make sense yeah
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but if you have feelings forse developed I think that's something
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that you should tell your wife no no not if you think listen the truth is behind
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it you can't choose who you love you can't choose who you're attracted to that's something that happens internally naturally right yeah but the other
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person that you have a relationship has a right to know yeah not if nothing comes out from it what do you mean no because that's still you're emotionally
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connected to someone else no but not not what I think what Yaz is trying to say is that there's a difference between
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having the feelings and having these thoughts and what Jacob's going through and actually acting on acting on it you
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can't you can't control your feelings you can't control who you're attracted to can I just ask is is is any of the
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stuff with your wife Jacob fixable like do you think you can you can fix any of
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this I do feel we can fix it I do feel we can we can fix this yes but then you
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got the little man on my right should was going to turn around and say well we F great but what happened but what
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happens next time and I say that because we've gone through the song and dance previously where where we actually we
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fix things we went away for weekend it was perfect it was fantastic and then probably no probably no more than
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probably no more than a month later a sim a similar disc a similar argument happened again and they so similar was
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was how we spoke to each other well I think that's because you guys I think that could be because you guys um you're
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you're patching it up and you're not actually addressing the actual issue that you guys are dealing with it's a just seems like these weekends away and
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these times you spend together is great but you're not you're not are you like you're not genuinely sitting there and
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working through what your issues are I mean have you you've you've spoken to
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her about the treatment of the kids the the two different treatments that's been spoken
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about yes yes yes that has I'm on that has on quite a few and and and when that
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when that convers sorry to interrupt here when that conversation happens is it is it done is it done in a in a in an
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environment and a and in a tone and a way that you guys are actually genuinely connecting or is it done out of an
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emotional state I think it's more out of an emotional state to be honest yeah and I
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think that's where the problems lying here um and and the fact that it's it becomes an emotional break that it it
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breaks through you in an emotional sense nothing will ever get through either side um and that might be something to
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think about as well is how do we set this up so we can actually go through and have these conversations in a state
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of mind that's not emotional but practical um logical and on a and a
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connection that is of a loving nature um because you genuinely want to fix these things and I think that's the first
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thing you got to be looking at um now acting on this acting on this urge to uh
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tell the coworker I think you got to ask yourself what does Love and a relationship actually mean to
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you and how and and how it can and how it compares with this new girl and your
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wife do you know what love means do you know what love means to you do you know what a relationship and a and a
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partnership actually means to you I S aside from the fact that aside
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from the fact that um that it means it means everything in the speaking but I
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say the um the the mutual respects got to be there the communication's got to be
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there the open the um the openness has got to be there but also at the same time not being trying to not letting him
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not let not letting emotions get the better of you and as I said when my wife said you know in a she said I wish you
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never met that to that to me crosses crosses it crosses the boundary now as I
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said that's that's that is that was more than likely out of emotion and she said that you know and I've got to take the
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word for it but when you hear something that powerful and that's why the words
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do have a lot of powerful meaning something that something that powerful can can take a a little bit longer to uh
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to disappear in the manner of St yeah well I think there's a few
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options here uh Jacob and that is you know in my opinion I think Honesty is the best policy however I think what
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keen and YZ are saying is that the options are one work on it with your
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wife there's always having a third party um getting counseling uh to help with
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the marriage he says he says he says that they can they can uh he feels like it can be fixed yeah facilitating those
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conversations about you know that clearly you're upset by x y and Zed and she probably has things that she's upset
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about and just really getting to the root of the problem there are definitely options for you here which is the good
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news yeah that's the great news and and the fact that you haven't acted on anything recklessly and you've acted
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using using your common sense and morals um as much as it's a situation which you
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could affect your own personal morals you haven't done anything just yet and you're actually thinking about it and
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that shows that you are a man of respect for your partner um and for yourself so
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I think that's an important thing to you know you are carrying a lot on your shoulders you've got the kids you've got the the day-to-day household stuff you
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guys have to do you got work you got the issues with the wife and you got this this uh this potential
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uh thing with this with this new girl um so so there is a lot on your shoulders so give you give yourself I think you
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should give yourself a Pat in the back for just being able to hold it all together at the moment um mentally uh while you're dealing with it so I think
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that's a positive to take from it um but I think your actions I think your actions have to be before you and I know
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okay that classic situation of The One That Got Away I can I can understand why you'd want to jump into that me
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personally in my opinion the my actions would be more about communicating with my my wife because we've built something
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um we've we've grown together we got a kid together um I think having that open honest uh without an emotionally charged
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conversation on a consistent basis would be the first thing I'd do the second thing I'd do if that if we still can't
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get through that is not bail on each other when it comes to counseling I think that you need to go see the
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professionals together from that point uh so you can actually um give it a a
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proper professional go um and not just become that that sort of statistic which we spoke about the other day of you know
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marriage is ending it's the the the the the divorce rates are getting higher and you don't want to you know for the sake
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of family but you also I know you have to think about yourself and your happiness um I think from there you'd
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want to um take a lot of time to do some self-reflection I think that the issue that's going on here is you're being
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offered a way out you're being offered a way to escape um I'm a firm person of
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not escaping situations of running away from problems I'm a firm believer of attacking it head on and going straight
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for it and I think that's what I would be doing in this situation is trying to fix it try not to run away um because it
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sounds like you still have room and space to fix it and you still have a few steps before you can say we gave it a
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good go that's how I
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feel you know I've never I wish have never thought about but there's a lot but there's a lot with
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with what imag actually having G too much scort so I actually entirely it's
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entirely possible that a lot of my issues like also a lot of my um a lot of my problems here are more emotional
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based as opposed to as opposed to thought base so there is certainly a lot to take from from this conversation guys
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and I certainly do appreciate that but um deep down as as I've been listening
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to the three you um bring you bring your opinions um and thoughts into
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us there's just way there's way too much to lead bu giving up straight away so
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exactly are we are we taking a bit of advice from everything here I'm actually starting to think
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now because I'm getting an outside's perspective an out's perspective and I not to be netive I your outs yeah but
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because I'm getting perspective from you guys it's it's certainly starting to
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feel that if I'm going to act on this I could be too impulsive and I could
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potentially I could potentially lose lose a lot more yeah most definitely there's a lot more to lose
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picking up so big time but um yeah I certainly appreciate um everyone's input
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you guys thank you very much for that the last thing I just want to leave you with mate before you go is just just you know Partnerships you become one
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especially when you enter the marriage level um or stage you do become one it's no longer you and that person it's you
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that person you are one being operating together building the family um and growing and and developing a life
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together and I feel like um when there's that lack of communication that lack of um the skills to be able to fix issues
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together and work together that's when it can break down really quickly and you isolate from each other I feel like you
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guys you got to I feel like in in my my sort of theory on marriage it would be in relationship at that that stage of it
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would be always to to remember that you guys have always come to one and that you're not two separate people you are
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one you are one together and and uh you know that that just just adds so much value to when you're wanting to uh sort
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problems out is is that uh you're both fulfilling it and you both are carrying each other's weight don't think for one
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second that she's not carrying the the the the heaviness of this situation as well so I feel like just taking that
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away um just keep in mind that's what a that's what a marriage means to me personally that use a one so hopefully
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hopefully look we're going to do a check-in with you in a little in a little bit when you're ready to come back and talk about it um we should do a
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checkin and see how things are going yeah absolutely absolutely Jacob not a problem thank you so much
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for your time I really appreciate thank you for sharing good luck mate all the best with it Jacob yeah thank thanks guys all right see you
28:38
mate he's off there Jacob he's gone Jacob's gone a that's full on what a
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heavy meeting yeah I'm sure he'll sort it out you
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can't like like you guys said that you can't just impulsively make a decision because the grass isn't always grer on
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the other side it's not always it may seemed that way because of all these like emotions and this Rush of love and
29:00
attraction and you never know what's going to lead to like like Jacob said himself he's got a lot more to lose and he has to gain oh absolutely absolutely
29:08
and imagine the rejection like imagine when he does tell her and she's rejects him then he's even in a worse mind State
29:15
because he's tried to go out and he still got rejected like he would feel
29:20
worse like what doesn't want me no one else wants me and now he feels it's not that I I do I do think that look it's
29:27
not an easy thing to do but I do think Honesty is the best policy I know you guys don't disagree with me crazy I but
29:33
that's for him to go tell his wife that is the end of his relationship big time that is the end of his relationship there's no fixing hon and he hasn't done
29:39
anything but he hasn't done anything he hasn't done AA do you think that you can turn emotions on and off like internal
29:45
emotions like towards someone no but I think it gets when it it's impossible you can't even turn thoughts off at the
29:51
end of the day it's just em to the point where you're willing to approach someone
29:56
and say he has I understand but when it gets to that point like that's a whole different level of like like festering in your
30:04
mind that's a level of like I want to act on this I want this woman but you're still not acting he's not acting though doesn't matter if you want to but to get
30:10
to that point I think it's very different now but you got to realize why he got to that point his relationship is falling apart he's not being treated the
30:17
way he wants to be treated they're arguing about certain things that isn't being fixed that those certain things
30:22
all piling up can actually make you lose love for someone very quickly and look at some someone completely different
30:28
well I think obviously what we came to the conclusion of is just having those conversations to begin with like being
30:34
able to get some help and being able to get to the bottom of what the actual
30:40
problem is cuz I'm sure it's more than just like fighting here and there there is obviously a severe problem but it's
30:47
also it's also like his own personal work and her own personal work too like why is he seeking outside the
30:53
relationship in order to fix his issues right like he's got to look back at his life as as to when what what has been
31:01
like ingrained into him how to act when issues arise do you run or do you fix it do you head it face face on this seems
31:08
like he was just trying to run away from it oh he well he did mention that he's tried to fix it a few times him him and his wife they both bailed they both
31:14
bailed on an important meeting that could have done something so they just they just got to act together pull their
31:20
[ __ ] together work through it and then if it doesn't work then you go out and there's plenty of fish in the sea that
31:25
you can go and fish for after that but you got to take the right steps you got to give it a go what did all the last 10
31:32
years mean if you don't if you just sack it for some random go H I think I actually think Jacob's situation is very
31:39
common oh yeah I think with long relationships as you're in there for 10 years 15 years 20 years you are going to
31:45
come across other people that you're attracted to other people that you get along with really well and then you get all those feelings that you had back
31:51
when you were younger of like being attracted to someone and that feeling of wanting to be with them I think it happens a lot no one just talk about it
31:57
no one acts on it and I want I want something for him to consider if he's going to come back and watch this the
32:03
impact on his professional life I feel like this it's a blessing that she's leaving 100% that's what if he did this
32:09
and at work it would impact his professional life that's what I said you got to get out of jail free car by her leaving if you just let her leave and
32:16
don't mention anything out of sight out of mind those feelings are going to disappear um well yeah big
32:22
time wants to talk I want to hear what is cuz she's looking at me and she's going I obviously have a very different
32:28
opinion but like once again it's very like it's a difficult like so you would want Jared if Jared was in his situation
32:33
to tell you that he like another girl yes if he was he's not acting on it he's going to but he was trying to fix it
32:39
with you yeah but that would crush you n yeah I understand but like like there's a difference between him him finding
32:44
girls attractive whatever I don't care to him being like I like I'm having conversations with this girl and I'm having feelings I'm emotionally attached
32:51
emotionally attached that's very different I I don't see them as the same thing you would want him to say that to you yes instead of trying to what you
32:57
guys then I think we can fix it if if we're honest from the truth we can fix that that's because clearly there's
33:03
something lacking here that you are now emotionally connected to someone else like maybe you're maybe you're different
33:10
but I just feel like if if if someone's husband was to come up to them and say that and say I'm emotionally tou someone
33:16
else that's the end of the relationship if if if L came to me and said hey I have feelings for someone at work oh my
33:22
God I'd break down yeah of course you would I would be like what the [ __ ] like I wouldn't and you know what's funny
33:27
wanted to tell you that like if she was emotionally like attracted to a guy of course you'd want to know but I'd want
33:33
her to fix us before you in a perfect world sometimes ignorance is bliss it is
33:39
but also like I get what you're saying Nish like I'm putting myself in the shoes but I feel like I'd prefer you fix
33:46
us and focus on us and that's it it's so different for you cuz you've got kids but like me if I was in a relationship
33:52
with someone and then she had feelings for someone else I don't want to know just break up with me just end it yeah
33:59
but it's it's different because the second you tell me I'm breaking up with you like what's the difference yeah but that's like that's the thing that's when
34:05
you're in 10 years married right it's a very different circumstance like you're 10 years with that
34:11
individual you've said like you've you've built a life with them like if if
34:17
your response to everything is we're just breaking up no relationship will ever lost that's just the reality that's
34:23
probably why my relationships don't lost yeah like it comes to the point where this is where compromise comes in this is where like emotional IQ comes in this
34:30
is where like so much comes in where you go right is this person worth fighting for cuz ultimately you have to fight for
34:36
the person you win the second the second that they're attracted to someone else or they have feelings for someone else I
34:41
like you just can't look at that person the same it's always going to be in the back of your mind it's always going to be there two years on the track oh my
34:47
god did he just look at that girl the wrong way oh my God who's this new chick he works with oh my God who's this going to create so much [ __ ] problems
34:53
parano and paranoia 100% paranoia but so you're saying saying basically if you were someone you'd rather them keep
34:58
their feelings about like if they're and I'm I'm not talking you expect them to remove them you'd expect them to if I am
35:05
not your number one I don't want to be your number one I'm out I get if I'm not
35:10
your only the only difference is if we have kids that's the only different scenario if we have kids and we can try
35:15
work on it for the kids sake okay but so just to understand what your perspective is if you were dating someone and you've
35:21
been with each other for a long time and she started getting feelings for another guy you wouldn't want her tell you you
35:27
just rather her choose you and work on your relationship without you having
35:32
that knowledge I'd rather her just end the relationship rip the Band-Aid off yeah
35:38
rip it off like if you're attracted to another block then I'm not your number one then I don't want you I don't want to be with someone doesn't want to be
35:44
with me okay if she wants to if she wants your opinion but then you just say that you can't control emotions they go
35:50
on and off like that so then no don't tell me I'm just saying don't tell me if you want to be with this other person go be with this other person break up with
35:56
me if you don't want to be with that other person then come work on with me don't tell me but don't tell you either way whatever happens don't tell me okay
36:04
the second you tell me I don't look at you the same anymore you're not my queen anymore you're not my partner anymore
36:09
like you're not you're not my soulmate bye lers and if you had if the same thing happened to you where you found
36:16
another woman you started getting feelings for her and you started getting really conflicted you wouldn't tell her
36:21
you'd rather just keep it to yourself I'm very I'm very like K said before I'm very ripped the Band-Aid off so if I had
36:27
if I had lost emotions for someone I probably wouldn't want to be with them anyway but then again I've never been in
36:34
a long relationship but that's called being morally morally aligned with yourself and with what what you firmly
36:41
believe in ethically is the right thing to do is not to cheat simple I would never cheat I would never in when you're
36:46
in a marriage that's a that like when you're in a marriage it's it's it's heightened even more yeah you have the
36:52
feelings for someone but if you don't act on them and and if you uh actively
36:58
work on your relationship because you know that that's something that is more important to you and there's more to lose in that situation that's what you
37:05
should do that's what I think I don't think you I don't I just feel like yeah you can have feelings you can have feelings about [ __ ] food there's
37:12
different types of feelings Ken there's different types of feelings it's not just yeah she's hard I find attractive
37:19
yeah she's cool to hang out with like I really like a personality to like oh my god I think I'm falling for this
37:24
individual that's very different like they're not the same thing but anyway
37:29
let's agree to disagree because I think we have very different perspectives well at least we'll see what happens with him
37:34
yeah feel bad for the blog but I hope no I hope they figure it out such is life that's right they need to they need to
37:40
treat treat the relationship with a bit more respect and the relationship will treat them back with a bit more respect
37:46
now did we want to go on to the other topics where we've we've taken up a full episode's time on this we're about 38
37:53
minutes in I feel like we should we should put it to the next episode yeah this could be this could be a
37:59
cliffhanger nice little exclusive this one yeah like a little you know special and then we we we'll do the next episode
38:04
you here will cover those other two topics which were aanisha and her husband fighting we're not so another
38:10
another relationship problem we're not fighting but you know what what happened did you is is there a cooworker that you're attracted to of oh my gosh you
38:17
only work with two other people God uh I don't even want I'm trying to flick my hair
38:23
back no the try to you're going to roast me about the issue
38:29
that it is okay it's bartering there's a bartering system in our house which I'm going to address what do you mean there's a bartering system well like
38:36
I'll give you two Shillings for that Tim Tam two Shillings what the [ __ ] kind of
38:42
is is and of course we're going to touch on the uh Arab stereotypes yeah why you looking at me
38:49
like yeah if you want cuz you're Arab and ready for it well you guys can touch on it and I'll just respond okay cool
38:55
all right that's come up in the next episode and the ready to canel make sure you subscribe and get ready for it it's going to be a big
39:03
one already canell if you like the podcast prove it
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