Already Cancelled

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on my mother's life if you think that that's going to happen when we're
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married and have children you've got another thing coming if my daughter is doing something that I don't know she's
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doing I'm there to protect her I need to know where she is at all times I don't care about how she feels I don't care
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about her feeling I don't care about if she's upset that I know or whatever oh the thunder came in the
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perfect timing already cancelled already canell
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already how are you yeah I'm good how are you good it's already cancelled yes it is uh at B Vista Hotel uh Hills
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podcast Studio guys where we we uh broad we film out of or record out of we don't broadcast anymore you were going to say
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broadcast yeah do you miss the broadcasting days anyone I miss it a little bit um I don't miss waking up so
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early and having to be somewhere at some time see I do miss that you miss you
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hold on you miss waking up at 4:00 a.m. I feel lazy yeah that that's true as
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well lazy it's because it's because of the the um the high achieving
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um uh Vibes we have we're High Achievers but I feel like so if you're not achieving already ad that like we used
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to we used to have a our workday was done pretty much when everyone started work so about 10: a.m. we all finished
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yeah yeah but I don't know I feel like your Vibes weren't there casting really yeah you obviously
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very good at what you did but like I feel like you just like I just hated the environment yeah maybe that was it but I
1:34
don't know you like yeah I think I feel like you're happier now the environment was chat but I did I did I did like the fastpac of it that was fun boom boom bo
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bo it was very like adrenaline rush it was an adrenaline rush now more like
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well now it's more exactly now it's like it's the real real ass we have to cram
1:53
everything I feel like we were just cramming every we had to we only had like 5 minutes to talk about a whole topic but you know what my favorite part
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was I will say just as if we're going down this Nostalgia trip is talking to people like there were so like so many
2:05
of our listeners would call in every single day but we can set that up that's that's not a problem to set up it just
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takes a few little button switches over here maybe we should but it also takes pre-planning it's not like the hey give
2:17
us a call right now and then bang 20 people call up yeah that's true yeah but we could we could probably do that if we
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just how okay well just tell everyone we're going to be live at this time if you want to jump on the show different
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can oh but you know here's a point though what do you mean you just we just put it on our broadcast channel cancel Squad that's true tell us cancel Squad
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we're going to be live now yeah but they're not listening live and they're not keeping like they're not a part do you mean if you go live on if you just
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go if we go if we took this podcast Live on YouTube live on Instagram live on Facebook live whatever we just went live
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okay but now now we're throwing [ __ ] in to make it work that's different I'm saying now in general as in this very
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second cuz if we go live then we're technically broadcasting we are then broadcasting yes well that'd be great we
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should just do it I'm down how yeah do you want us if you want us to go live
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and you want to participate then let us know do you want to just start at Pirate Radio yes we we we we can just [ __ ]
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pirate it we should a network we just use our Instagram account Nisha you got to remember the FM signal is free to use
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if you pirate it as long as you send out a signal that can be caught by FM like TR receiver like receiver we need a
3:24
massive our satellite why guys we have an Instagram account just go live on in
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stagram that's all we need to do oh we can do that every day do you want to do a breakfast show again we could literally do a breakfast show every day
3:37
on Instagram I think this podcast is great let's just stick with the podcast no I want to do it now now I don't want
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to do the show unless it's live challenge accepted yeah because we pretty much do the podcast live we just we just everything there's no nothing is
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edited nothing is broken down nothing is changed from how we sit in this moment and talk for the next 30 40 minutes
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nothing has changed just straight yeah I'm done okay we'll work on that that plan providing people want us to do it
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we'll find out if they want want us to do it if you want us to do it let us know simple as that uh anyhow I'd like
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to get to something that happened to me uh in the last uh two days ago yeah you know I got two kids yeah we
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know you know if you don't know I have two little girls I have a four-year-old and a 2-year-old lla the oldest Eevee the youngest lla an angel Eevee a
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devil I love her she's the most gorgeous cutest little thing I've ever met in my life yeah
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and she challenges she challenges or lla challenges me more but Eevee challenges me as a parent lla challenges me as a
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person right oh okay eeve is just oh so she she's uh
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that on that particular day she did about six poos in her nappy on that day is that normal it was a bit more than
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average it was a bit more she usually does maybe three or 4 but this by this time it was about 4:00 in the afternoon
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she's done six what did she eat food okay uh that we make oh but we had tie
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the night before so maybe this is why it triggered something it could be that anyhow she runs up to me to tell me she
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lets me know that she's done one in her nappy and we're going through the toilet training process and she told me there's a poad
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and I'm like Okay cool so I turn her around and check her nappy just to make sure she's not lying to me cuz sometimes
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she lies just to and then she'll run away yeah yeah yeah what I found in her Napp yet I will
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never forget and I'll probably bring it up at her 21st story 21st birthday oh my gosh what what did you find in her nappy
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not poo it wasn't poo so she hadn't pooed she didn't poo she put something in her
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nappy and then lied to me to say it was poo and then ran away are you ready for
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it yeah go ahead can we guess okay yeah gu it could be anything liter literally
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could be anything rocks I don't know no not rocks yeah I didn't even want to guess I don't know there's nothing I can
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think I don't know scrunched up foil aluminium foil scrunched up and put
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in her bum not in in her bum but but like bum put in almost in between her
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bum shakes she's hilarious this is what I'm dealing with guys you've been you this
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is a classic case of punked you've been punked this is Astin cooch will come out
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the whole crew like this is a and it's almost as if she yes but it's almost if she wants it there because she wants the
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chase around the house so I can pick her up and take it out of her pants firstly very genius for your 2-year-old daughter
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to do that it's actually very smart I know like to ask it's like why is she doing that well she's trying to get a
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reaction from you yeah of course so that's great secondly does anyone teach
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you how to be a parent I'm actually very curious about this no they don't and they I think they should 100% you can never you have to it's a learn on the
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job situation it's a learn on the job ask you actual seriously you've had I'm sure you've had a fair Fair bit of
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experience now with two daughters up to 5 years up to 5 years right at the beginning stages you know year one year
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two having having Lila did you know what you were doing did you have any idea what you were
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doing like realistically you have an instinct you do have an instinct let me tell you
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about night one if you're thinking of having kids right be prepared and I'll
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tell you a reason why is because you will second guess yourself on the first day every person I know that has had a
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kid does the same thing and they say the same thing to their partner did we make
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a mistake on the first night that's the first that I I woke up we had the we had
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Lyla on the first night we went to sleep we woke up for her midnight feed change whatever yeah and I turned to L rain
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holding Lyla crying and I said oh no did we make a mistake like was it too soon
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genuinely did we did we just like our life has we never we'll never have a good sleep again like a
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full block sleep oh God I'm getting anxiety from this okay yeah and and and my and my cousins that just had a kid
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they've had it all the people I know they have the same feeling on night one did we make a mistake everyone has it
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wow and then and then you have to figure out how to you got to teach yourself to
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teach yourself cuz there's no manual is there there's no Manual of how to be a parent you get like you can have like do you have there's so many like influences
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out there and like pages that give you advice and psychologists that say this is why and how and how to do things and
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then why to do things like this whatever so where do you find foil in the nappy where's that chap 29 maybe I should
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write a damn book about it boiling the nappy chapter 27 yeah no there's none of that so you have to learn on the job but
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I'm curious right so like for women you know and some women they they struggle
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to have attachment with the baby and that's really really difficult and really hard for them for anyone who's going through that really sorry but
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usually when women have the kid they have this Bond because they're growing the baby but for a father what was that
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like for you like you know when you see Lyla for the first time your first ever
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child did that happen like the bond happened right away or was it every kid's different because with Lila we had
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struggles with feeding with breastfeeding so we going understand if you're breastfeeding you the mother
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would build a better Bond because the mother is constantly with the kid and the biggest bond is built overnight
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during the night so when they wake up in the middle of the night in the dark whoever's holding them and with them it
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builds that Bond ah really yeah and whoever's feeding them they build their stronger bond with so if if the woman um
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Can breastfeed and she does and chooses to yeah she will build a stronger Bond
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quicker uh pretty much up to a year and then after that is when the father's Bond kicks in because then it's more
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like playtime you can assist with feeding you can feed solids and along the time you're changing nappies and
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stuff but like it's that it's it's during the night where the biggest Bond is is built that's what I think and I
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think that's what like a lot of Psych scientists and psychologists say interesting um wow which is which is
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really crazy because with Lila um we we had feeding like it was very difficult
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feeding times and like was pumping and all that stuff which is like I've never seen someone go through so much draining
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draining of her own energy other than pumping milk to feet that has to be the
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most one of the most draining things a mother could go through intended yeah
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she literally was a cow at a factory oh my gosh that's a sound if you've ever heard
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pump that's the sound how important is um breast milk to a baby that like can
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you get it from you get no you can't get breast milk from the stores you can get you get formula formula yeah so what
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would be better like what would a doctor say is better bre I think there was a rest Mark yeah I've heard I've heard
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opposite I've heard you should just give him formula look every kid's different and this is the age-old battle between
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breast milk and formula and Science and this and that but it's more there's more bonding with it number one but also
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breast milk I think has a lot more antibodies so whatever the mum so if so for and it's actually like okay so a a
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baby will suck on a tee on on the nipple and the nipple will send a message to
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the brain and say the baby needs this nutrient and the Brain will produce will work with the body and produce the
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nutrient to send to the kid through the breast milk
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really doesn't Happ that doesn't happen naturally with birth what do you mean like because obviously you start you
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start getting breast milk when you when you're pregnant yeah so it's it's part of the Natural Body Chang pring
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preparing for wouldn't wouldn't the nutrients already be no because as the baby's growing it it might lack this
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lack that or it might be a little bit unwell so then the brain will then go okay wait you're telling me the nipple
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can read it can read what the baby needs I'm I'm very I'm pretty I'm 99%
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confident in what I just said I have never in my 31 years on Earth heard that
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before that the say I mean you could be right I don't I
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don't know but I've never so you're telling me my like for example let's say I'm a chick my nipple isn't just isn't just
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the area the the milk exits from it's like it it receives signals from the lips of the child and I can read the
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through the saliva and the exchange of the saliva to the to the it can read what the baby needs so oh [ __ ] the
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baby's lacking iron I need to put some iron in the titties is that what you're saying I think yeah that can't be can't
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be I think it's I think I'm 99% confident brother if that's real then so is God because that is so precise and
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specific yeah but it just came out because I've remember either reading it
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having the conversations about it seeing it find out we can't just leave not
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real this is lost in mind if this is real because I've never heard of this
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I'm likea he's 99% sure he's very confident okay hold on I'm going miss
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there breast milk can change changes from day to night breast milk changes during growth spurts and illnesses breast milk changes during feeding no
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but when you say milk watering it adjusts that adjust if it needs to be fatty hour and night your truth rest
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increas gradual but how does it know that's what we need figure it out yeah like how does it sound what do I ask it's hard to ask it's a lot for me to
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say yeah but look breast milk okay six magical ways that breast milk changes to
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meet your baby's needs yeah that's great that should just show breast milk has immune boosting components that are dynamic in responding to your baby's
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needs from the age to time of day and even illness how does it know I'm very
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curious he might have a he might have a point I think he has a point yeah so it actually listens it's an immune boosting
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component and it actually listens to what your B baby needs like it actually can can I don't know like a better term
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to calculate that the baby's unwell so it will provide an antibody for the kid
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to drink we need to figure out how it finds this out because I'm so impressed with the human body right now yeah
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that's that's incred I've never heard of this this is wild that is crazy you know
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what I like I've always known about it but I didn't know how common it was um
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uh postpartum depression yeah it's with women well you know how they say that
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that women go through three um the the was it trimesters of of pregnancy yeah
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well there's actually four four it's weird to say four triesters but essentially it's four quarters because
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you have you know this the those three stages then the baby comes yeah then they have the recovery stage that no one
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talks about that no one has any addresses to and that's post the postpartum thing yeah and that's a
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mental and a physical thing of recovery yeah so yeah I'm curious about that what what what did it look like full of rain
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like if well I mean if you're going through struggles with feeding yeah and adjustments to sleeping and body changes
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and everything that's what it is that's what it looks like okay and a lot of a lot of women get very depressed and then
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obviously what comes in after that is like am I good enough can I be a mother you know those questions start happening
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and then obviously then then you're like oh okay people are coming to visit and then people are saying oh do this and do that and judge this judge that and maybe
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your kid's not sleeping and it's crying all the time and it's so much to handle as a as a as a parent in that initial
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like 3 to four months after but after that it becomes easier okay I was I was speaking to someone recently I won't
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mention who they are and they were telling me how they went through this um postpartum depression and it got really
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bad and intense to the point no no listen to this and this really baffled me and apparently it's quite normal she
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had thoughts of killing the child like she was and she thought she had
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lost her mind and she thought she was going mental and she went to a doctor and she was like I'm going psychotic and the doctor was like no no no this is so
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normal yeah it is so normal but I am I was like shocked that that was even a thing yeah
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and a lot of like it like thoughts of thoughts of killing killing your baby apparently that's what is embedded in
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our DNA as humans well well for a woman that gives birth well it's because it's it's it's the symptoms of going through
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depression right and then like being able to bond with your kid that I can only imagine how and you know prior to
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that you've had the kid growing 9 months with you and then finally it's here and
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you can't build that Bond yeah would be so difficult I think the main thing to get out there is if you're struggling to
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find a bond with your kid just because it's not you don't feel it's there now it does come it just takes time the best
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thing that you can focus on is routine because if you can get the the faster you can build your routine the faster
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you can get you can build the bonding yeah and that's the hardest thing to build because you can't really control
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what the kid is doing and the kid can't talk yeah it can just cry and then when
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it's crying this is the crazy part you have to go through a checklist of what could be wrong with the kid so oh gosh
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then you start to understand what type of cry means something a specific cry means nappy change a specific cry means
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I'm hungry a specific cry means I'm sore really yeah oh my gosh it's so overwhelming it's very overwhelming but
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it's Natural Instincts for us to actually pick it up so it's about cues so listening to if you if the baby's
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going that's a cue that it could be either hungry nappy change or tired if you wait to the point where it cries
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you're teaching the kid to go straight to crying to get something to get
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something does that make sense yes it does but it's also very terrifying so you have to be on top of it it like
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there's a lot involved in it and this is why they can very quickly put foil in
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their nappy I forgot that's how we started the conversation yeah and I went on this whole Rabbit Hole from nipples being
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sensors and andil it's that is the that's crazy and that's why with the second cou with
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Eevee we I I was my my only job apart from supporting the rain throughout the
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labor was to get Eevee onto the breast as soon as she was born if you can get
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your kid onto the breast and drinking milk as soon as they're born you you lessen the chances of feeding problems
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with lla we didn't know that so you know what's crazy bro when you take when the kid's born right they leave the
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umbilical cording cuz it's still it's still passing through like you know good stuff for the kid yeah they put you they
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put the kid on the CH on her chest and the kid will move towards the nipple
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automatically automatically that is so weird and the kid can't really like the baby you can't really even see much but they can see the nipple and that's why
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nipples are dark onto the body because it can see the difference and it will move towards it as best as it can how weird is that that like that's wild what
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do you call that your um Instinct your natural your natural instinct and if and that's why you're going to get on straight away to start drinking cuz it's
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a special um uh liquid that's produced colostrum I think it's called and that's
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like some of the most and you only get a little bit but that's like some of the most powerful kickstarters of feeding
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the kid W how on Earth can anyone debate the fact that we created by high power
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like the fact that we're born with Instinct like shut up no one taught that baby that this is where you get your
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food from when you're hungry but it already knows it already knows it's coded into its system bro yeah yeah yeah
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yeah yeah that is wild yeah I guess I guess lucky that um it takes two to 10o
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when it comes to Parenting oh big time cuz if you and and this is a thing like I've always thoughted putting something together of how guys can support their
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their wives in or Partners whatever in birth in like in being a young parent
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cuz there's a lot that a guy can do to help there's a lot of but a lot of guys are like very like oh I don't want to
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change nappies [ __ ] a nappy that means nothing if you can actually want to help your partner there's a lot you can do
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yeah and this is why if you're married and you get divorced it could be a very bad situation for that baby that's very
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morbid yeah I know it was a weedd segue into the next talk about okay we bring it in let's go um the uh worldwide
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percentage for uh divorce rates uh marriages that ending divorce has been
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released and it's gone up guys it has gone up I've got a list of top 100 here of um of uh rankings of the countries
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with the highest to lowest uh divorce rates but the worldwide percentage is sitting at an estimated
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56% wow so it was like 50/50 at one point it was about 50/50 it's gone up to
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56% worldwide okay um if you get this is this baffles me because it's what people
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like gravitate towards in life it's like these are the steps you know you go to school you then go study a higher degree
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you get a job then you get married right and get a house and get a dog and a pick it's like it's like the the stages the
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stages of Life yeah it's got me thinking why do we
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still get married as human statistic statistics are telling us that you are probably going to get divorced well
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there's a big percentage that are still married like 5% 44% 44% are still um married that's
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huge I find that no not when it's like a V death to us part and it's all this
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[ __ ] that comes with it what you're saying is technically you you you have a higher percentage of getting divorced yeah there's there's a better chance
21:37
okay hypothetically speaking cuz now I'm thinking right humans are dumb that's what I'm thinking I'm like humans are dumb we shouldn't get married that's
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where I'm going with this why because statistically that's what the world is telling us I think that's silly but continue you think it's silly I don't
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think it's dumb I think I don't think it's dumb I think it's everything's a risk and marriage is a risk now okay
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cool I've got a question for you Aisha since since it's D before you go there can can can we at least know who's I'm
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just curious what are the top countries or like do you know do you know the top countries yes okay so the top country um highest risk of divorce rates is
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Portugal 92% of marriages ending divorce 92%
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92% um uh closely after that is Russia 74% and then we'll just go down straight
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to the bottom you've got India at 1% okay India at 1% the Western world is kind of simmering between that 45 to 50%
22:26
yeah okay Mark so like you're Australia your K or America they're sitting at around that 45 55% um but Nishi back to
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this um oh but this but still 44% of people that are still married I think it's a massive thing okay cool if I said
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to you with Nisha tomorrow if you get in your car and drive there's a 56% chance you're going
22:47
to get into a serious accident are you going to go for a drive tomorrow no but there's a difference
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between that okay because you'll die you can die one but also yes like
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life-threatening but also in the car there's only so much you can control right and of course you can
23:06
make that parallel to relationships only much you can control in a relationship too however there's more that I can
23:11
control with like my relationship and my partner than it is going into a car and
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having 56% chance of going into a terrible accident but I'm just giving you stats here I'm not telling you the
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the dos and don'ts and how to control it and how not to control it all I'm saying to you is if you get married stati ially
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say sta statistically speaking there's a 56% chance it's going to end in a
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negative way but on the 44% chance is still pretty high if you if you if you were going to start a business and they
23:39
said you have a 56% 44% chance this business is going to take off and you're going to win and a 56% chance I lose all
23:45
my money you lose all your money I do not get into that business it's the dumbest thing ever that's the worst that's the worst gamble on Earth but
23:51
it's also context that's horrible but the payoff if you can make 44% chance
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work and you know how you do that is by knowing that you're compatible with your partner number one and number two
24:02
actually learning how to be in a relationship you get the payoff is is
24:08
unbelievable unbel of course it's unbelievable that's the that's literally the same as saying if I go to the casino
24:13
and put a million dollar on black and it hits black it's the payoff is huge it's like no but I'm also got a chance of
24:19
losing a million dollars yeah but if you go with that mindset and like anything you're not going to you're going to that's pessimistic well but but not even
24:25
pessimistic you're not going to really do much with your life right like yes you like okay I think it's different
24:30
risks I agree with you if someone said hey you have a 60% chance of like this business being successful and you know a
24:36
40% chance for it no businessman would get into that business no no one businessman will get into that business
24:41
get I get that but I'm also saying that marriage is like you if you told me
24:47
let's say I'm not married right and you said that's the stats I would still get married that's that societ because
24:53
societ has told you that's the way to go no because I found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with right yeah but that's what everyone that's
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what everyone finds when they first get married do you think they think they're going to get divorced no they're sitting there at the altar they're sitting there
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wherever it is at the top of a cliff with the ocean uh behind them and they're like till death to us part
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through sickness and through help and then 5 years later he's [ __ ] his secretary yeah that's true no you're right but but here's the question but
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it's true it's true it's 100% true what you're saying no one goes into there thinking they're going to get divorced but but then what's the option no but
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that's the question now what's the option is go back to the Animal Kingdom oh my gosh in what way I just don't
25:29
think marriage is important I think find a partner stay with that partner start a family get a house whatever important
25:35
why get married it's so stupid marriage is the biggest sham on Earth okay what I don't like about marriage hold on sorry
25:41
go ahead no that's okay what I don't like about marriage is that it has to be registered with the government I think that that is the most ridiculous thing
25:47
that the government needs to know if that I'm in a relationship with someone right and that I am but at the same time
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there's security there a Security on a financial stage of it financial side of it that we've we've worked together to
26:03
build this thing yeah and we've built it and we get a divorce at least we're both
26:10
protected but but now there's even laws in place that you don't have to be married to still get protected like de
26:15
facto deao but so I don't get the point I I see what you're saying I don't get the point of going down the legal like
26:22
going down the we don't you don't necessarily need to get married there's a reason for that I'll get to in order to to spend the rest of your life with
26:28
someone you don't need to get married to spend the rest of your life with someone but there is something so sacred and so
26:33
beautiful to watch like your your friends and your family and
26:40
have people witness you declare your love to one another and say we want to
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bind this you know in law and in front of everyone we love that we want to be
26:50
with each other for life that there is something so beautiful about that there is but unfortunately that beautifulness
26:57
gets thrown at the window when there's a 56% chance that you're going to get divorced but a 44% chance succeed and
27:03
you see people who are married to like 80 and that's a different generation as well so this new stats these stats are
27:10
coming in because there's new people getting married and there's new new marriages I agree with the notion that
27:15
not you know people always think they have to connect the dots right like you said you you know you go to school you
27:22
go to university then you get the right job you meet someone the love of your life you're meant to get married you
27:27
meant to have kids you they say this is how you connect the dots and I don't agree with that cuz everyone's life is different and there's a trajectory for
27:33
everyone that isn't the same uh but in saying that I I still think that that
27:40
doesn't disregard the notion of marriage what I do think though is that people think that they have to connect the dots
27:45
and they think they have to find their life partner and because everyone around them is getting married they're just going to settle and get married and that's not what you should do you should
27:51
it's it comes down to what does marriage mean for you if marriage means for you a celebration a
27:58
couple of vows sign the paper and sharing of money yeah then don't get
28:04
married because that's not what it means yeah but if marriage means to you like
28:09
you said Nishi spending the rest of your life with each other and actual love and building family and um taking that next
28:17
step to vow all those things yeah that's when you should get married exactly not
28:23
when you not and that's what I think might be going on here is a lot of people are getting married because it's either what their parents have told them
28:28
to do they've been advised to or they think that's how you live life no it's not how you live life exactly how you
28:35
live life is is is based off your heart and your gut not your and and in in
28:41
conjunction with your mind can I explain something to you guys so funny that you said about the have to sign up with the
28:46
government when you're married blah blah all this [ __ ] so marriage when marriage was introducing we're pulling away religion from here right when marriage
28:52
was introduced outside of religion it was actually done for financial benefit yeah a lot of the time it was for
28:58
financial benefit to get certain things easier to purchase a home easier to start a life blah blah blah it was all Financial benefit secondly as well guys
29:04
you need to remember something how long has marriage been around for actually a couple thousand years
29:10
yeah Thousand Years let's say traditional marriages traditional marriages Trad marri through church is that what you're
29:17
saying no no traditional marriage is just like finding a partner will you marry me yes then going in front of a crowd of people but traditional marriage
29:23
could also be arranged marriages too it could be arranged marriages okay so then a couple thousand years no I want to say
29:29
thousand years I'm talking about traditional marriages what is it like in front of a a priest or you think actual wedding you're talking actual wedding
29:36
yeah actual wedding yeah whatever it is okay here it is this is the fun fact that people need to remember literally
29:41
200 years ago the let's say the 1800s they started having weddings well just just 1800s right life expectancy was 40
29:48
years old so you didn't have time to actually fall out of love with your partner or
29:54
find someone new you are I'm talking stats here there's a
30:01
reason why I get that but there's still a 4 4 most divor most divorces happen in
30:06
their 40s in your 40s you get divorced or in your late 30s but 200 years ago
30:12
you're on your [ __ ] deathbed at 40 years old yeah Life's a gamble bro you can either get married have a wedding
30:19
and start a family and hope that your gamble has I just think it's so dumb I'm so sorry there is listen there are many
30:27
reasons for divorce right some very tragic like there's some bad things going on in the relationship and the
30:32
woman fall apart the woman or the man needs to get out there's cheating there can be so many plethora of reasons
30:38
however one reason that I think is also what I've seen from like people I know and stuff I
30:45
wouldn't say divorce but just relationships and seeing people fall out of relationships one big thing that is a
30:50
common thread a pattern is compromise I feel like people
30:56
are getting less and less willing to compromise in relationships and I think
31:02
that is the foundation of a relationship but the more people I see like
31:08
especially the newer Generations it's like well it's my way you can't tell me
31:13
what to do it's my life my you know and that's the mentality and that's no relationship can work on that you're
31:20
never even going to get to marriage level if your if your relationship is like that you don't even get to that
31:25
well some people get married very and that's the problem that's another problem as well but I just think and I'm
31:31
like for example my cousin's getting married right he's been with his partner for a very very long time she's beautiful they're an amazing couple but
31:37
they've fallen for this stupid marriage trap this this dumbass thing that was
31:42
created it is dumb it is so dumb Aisha they are spending $100,000 on their
31:47
weding have to though I know you don't have to but they're doing that and a lot of people do these days a lot of people do weddings are expensive they're
31:53
spending a lot of money on their wedding right before even investing into a
31:58
property like brother go say you love this person in front of your closest friends and family don't spend the dime
32:05
and don't worry about having a massive party you don't need any of that's why the option of a lope is there and that's
32:10
why it should be but important to like your culture and your family right like I always say a marriage is a union
32:16
between two people but also their communities you can't just isolate the two right like you can sometimes you
32:21
can't afford a big wedding and you know it is what it is and that's fine each to their own but like for example my family
32:27
right they would be livid if I just you know one culturally I would not be
32:34
allowed to really thundery is that Thunder upstairs Thunder it's really intense
32:40
it's also giving us a very like therapeutic Vibe the with the rain anyway now close your eyes and breathe
32:47
in breathe breath out no in my culture if I one I wouldn't be able to like live
32:53
with Jared two go on holidays with Jared or anything like like that had I not got married first culturally it's like
33:01
that's but I think that's the biggest load of [ __ ] no but I like like I just think yeah people like it people
33:07
don't I think that if you're going to be restricted by culture then you
33:13
then I just think that I mean I think that's going to be that's going to fade out it will and it's already fading out
33:19
it will you know what firm believer of you do what's right for you and if and
33:25
and the most important thing in life is relationships I was talking to you this
33:30
the other day it doesn't matter if the relationship like it's a relationship with your culture a relationship with your parents whatever but what is the
33:36
most valuable relationship and if you think that that's your marriage or your your partner your life partner then
33:43
nothing should get in the way of the most valuable relationship because off that gives value of life no but I I
33:51
disagree I think that yes but you like at the end of the day you have different types of relationships and yes the most
33:57
valuable your partner but in saying that you know our parents or you know we have
34:03
good relationship with our parents are very fortunate to but I think they also have a weight in like I you know I've
34:09
trying to explain how it's hard to explain but I feel like you can't just disrespect that relationship to you kind
34:15
of get what I'm saying it's really hard to I I think at the end of the day you're going to be unhappy if you're
34:20
going to always constantly sit there and think oh I'm going to be disrespecting my parents if I don't listen or if I
34:27
don't do what don't listen to their advice or whatever I'm not saying that's what you're doing right but I'm just saying
34:32
hypothetically then you're automatically suppressing yourself and suppressing the opportunities you have that you can
34:38
build with something that is valuable longterm for you I.E your husband or
34:44
wife or boyfriend girlfriend whatever it is no but I don't think it's it's not like drawing a line in the sand like there's there's certain circumstances of
34:50
course yes like I think you have to draw the line sorry yeah you're right you draw the line you're right you draw the
34:55
line in the s for certain circumstance ances right like you have to make that decision sometimes well I'm going with my partner this is right for us and it
35:02
is what it is but in saying that I don't think when I say it isn't drawing the line of the sand in the sense that you
35:08
can't just have like this is this and that's that like your life is all intertwined with beautiful relationships
35:15
and it's contextual and you make decisions based on those contexts right you can't just be like well this is what
35:20
it is black and white that's it and so like with my culture similar thing I grew up with you know my parents who are
35:28
Indian and you know they they're Amazing by the way Indian 1% of the population get divor yeah yeah but and that's one
35:34
of the biggest things but how many how many Indian
35:39
relationships and marriages do you think where one of the um either the husband
35:44
or the wife is currently miserable oh yeah and they cannot leave because of because of cultural shunning of course
35:50
and it's horrible and I I completely if you're not in a happy relationship marriage or whatever
35:56
relationship and there's terrible things going on you need to leave you need to get out of that right I'm not disagreeing with that and yeah you're
36:02
right 1% probably because there is a taboo of of divorce and people don't commonly get divorced cuz it's not seen
36:07
as a positive thing but what I am saying is like for example culture you can't
36:14
just disregard that like when you grow up in a certain culture in a certain household and you learn so many
36:21
beautiful values like the values that I've learned from my family is putting Family First is about compromise and
36:27
it's that you have to you take what you you take what you value from the values like you take what you value from the ethics I get that also but also my
36:34
parents have given me so much the least that I could do is respect some of their
36:39
wishes as I get older that is not that I think is actually positive it's positive for you though that's what I'm saying
36:46
you in a negative way different and that's that's that's what's going on here but I think there's more value in what your parents didn't teach you not
36:52
what your parents taught you what do you mean there's more value in what you learned by yourself through your own experience than what your parents you're
37:00
always going to learn more from your environment outside of your household than you are from your household itself always you can have your your your core
37:07
ethics and stuff from your family but but beyond that there's more value outside in the Out World then in the
37:13
world look all I'm saying is from from the family perspective all I'm saying is the reason why I love maths and it's cuz
37:18
maths never lies there's always one answer and one answer only and the answer that I'm seeing here from these stats is there's a you're better off not
37:24
getting married okay okay let let's put put it into practice yes and this is
37:30
going this is going to be directed at you now yeah do you want to get married
37:38
yes why the math says that it's that it's it's not worth it you didn't ask me how many times I want to get married did
37:43
you you said do you want to get married he going to beat this okay so so so you're willing to go in and out
37:49
of C all those things the the the struggles of divorce the dramas that
37:54
come with divorce [ __ ] you yeah such such a sh keep life
38:01
exciting and how realistic is your answer so you want to get so why okay so then why is I can't hold a relationship
38:08
for longer than a year and a half I'll be surprised why do you think that is I think that's going to be a whole I
38:14
think that's going to be a whole another episode I but I feel like you need I feel like I would like to find out and
38:19
I'm sorry to cut you Nish you but I would like to find out why you look at these numbers and you say they don't lie
38:25
and then you still say you want to get married why no no well because because
38:30
humans humans are a very complicated uh species species extremely
38:37
complicated right we want what we can't have and when we have it we don't give a [ __ ] about it that is the problem and
38:44
it's with anything can you guys deny the fact that we want what we can't have majority of the
38:50
time when someone says you can't when someone says you can't have something that you want you want it 10 times more
38:55
right that's when desire it's a reverse psychology that's what it humans humans have a desire to find a
39:03
partner right yes and when you find that partner and this comes down to the love
39:08
for example that you had for Jared right that overwhelming over the top I want him to be mine I want everything about
39:15
now that he's there that massive fire it's probably still there but it's not as big as it was right at the beginning
39:22
but that's only because of stages yeah but that transforms into something so much more beautiful like I would not
39:27
want to go back to those early stages and have that like that kind of Desire I
39:33
100% would sell that to have what I have right now over and over again because it's it's a love that is so different
39:39
and so much better than that that that like oh my God that phase phase yeah I
39:46
kind of but I think it's deeper than wanting a relationship I think it's the uh instinctual urge to procreate and
39:53
that's probably what it is as well and a long procreation Journey you need to find a partner right and you can go and
39:58
get any partner to procreate but then then you want to have you you want someone that's secure to that's well
40:05
that's very very different so when I look at who I'm Who I'm looking at now as a partner and who I want to date in the future and what boxes they tick off
40:12
it's so different to whoever I dated in the past right I wasn't thinking about that but now when I look at them I go
40:18
okay how are you going to raise my child are you going to be a good mother because you know what like mother like daughter 90% of the time it really is
40:25
true right so now my criteria to I don't know about that like mother like daughter a lot of
40:32
the times bro a lot of the times what do you mean I think I think it's I think it's I think that uh you learn from your
40:40
parents what not to do and what to do well that's exactly what I'm saying like for example and what kean's
40:46
saying is you learn also what not to do so inevitably you change you'll raise your kid different to I like I raise my
40:54
kids differently to how my parents rais me oh no I get that I understand that and so does
41:00
Lorraine yeah and we actively do do what we've learned from how we were raised
41:05
and we actively want to do it different and that's every natural thing like my parents they were raised in South Africa
41:12
they didn't want their kids to be raised in South Africa so they moved to Australia but like little certain simple
41:17
that's a very simplistic uh example little certain things like things that I think would be acceptable in my household when I have a family yeah um I
41:25
want them to kind of be merged with what my partner's household was like so for
41:30
example um if if if I date a girl and she was raised and in high school she
41:37
was allowed to have her boyfriend sleepover because her mom said it was okay she's now going to think that it's okay for her daughter to have her
41:43
boyfriend come stay over when they're 15 16 years old she might but she might also think hold on that's not right I
41:48
was too young to have my boyfriend and she might learn that yeah she might but if you're in an environment where it's telling you that it's okay there's a
41:53
very high chance that you're going to think it's okay that's true that's true what do you ask on the first day do you ask these questions well this but you
42:00
get to know someone but this is this is the important part and this ties back to divorces is these are the conversations
42:06
you need to have before you get married of course you have if you're not having conversations like this with your partner and aligning and actually
42:12
getting into the compatibility of cuz after marriage comes kids and that's a absolute blessing cuz some people can't
42:19
yeah so you need to know what it's going to be like or at least the idea or the the the concepts you have of parenting
42:26
or how you want to live a life that needs to be discussed if you're not having that you're you're in that 56%
42:32
agreed let me explain to you something that happened in one of my other relationships right um her mom was very
42:38
easygoing so she'd tell her mom certain things but her dad wasn't her dad was a bit more stricter so she'd keep certain
42:43
things from her dad right so we were going overseas we were going to go on a trip overseas MH um and she told her mom
42:51
and she didn't tell her dad I said what do you mean you didn't tell your dad she was like oh my my mom just thinks it's better not to my mom knows that's that's
42:57
fine and I said to her I looked at her straight in the eyes I said on my mother's life if you think that that's
43:04
going to happen when we're married and have children you've got another thing coming if my daughter is doing something
43:09
that I don't know she's doing I'm there to protect her I need to know where she is at all times I don't care about how
43:15
she feels I don't care about her feelings I don't care about if she's upset that I know or whatever oh the thunder came in the
43:21
perfect timing is the is the thunder like aligning with our wordings here like I don't know we getting like told
43:27
something am I going to wake up in Ya's body or something like is this a Freaky Friday situation anyway you're going
43:33
yeah but anyway so I'm just saying like certain things like that like if I had found out that my wife was keeping very
43:39
important information that my daughter was out there doing from me even that could trigger something to be like well
43:45
you're not the right person for me then yeah even though we've got kids and this and that it's like I don't even know where we're going with this you're
43:51
you're right and it's you have to essentially what you're saying is is uh you you two are the partners and they
43:59
are the children and you need to be aligned at all times and if you have to
44:04
withhold information from the child you'd rather do that than withhold information from each other yeah so she
44:11
should have told the dad and the dad should have just could have just held the information from there and spoken
44:17
through the I made her I made her her dad oh you did 100% I don't want her sneaking around and me being the reason
44:23
why she's sneaking around like her dad is you know traditionally is the king of the household yeah you got to respect
44:29
him you got to respect his decision so I said we're not going on this trip unless your dad knows if your dad says no Then
44:34
we're not going on this trip it's very simple that's respectful yeah but anyway it's 56% of marriages and then divorce
44:41
well I think a powerful episode very but I I just want to end it with this I just want to say that if you're thinking of
44:47
getting married don't look at these stats it's up to you and your relationship to make it work all right
44:53
just know no you don't need to know theis there's a statistically if you think you found
45:00
your life partner and the love of your life and you ultimately it's up to you to make it work that's the reality okay
45:06
not external people saying certain things it's up to you and your partner that's it I agree with you just know
45:15
just know there's a risk no matter how hard you try I'll bring it down a bit more I would just say spend a little bit
45:22
more time before marriage actually talking through try before you buy what
45:28
you can try before you buy but I mean more so actually talk through all your concepts of marriage what it means what
45:34
it is what's the value what's going to happen what's the kids what's going on with the with our our vision have the
45:40
vision when you go into business with someone you don't just go in blind you go in you know the risk you know the business you know you know the vision of
45:48
what you want to achieve you need to have that down pat or at least an idea of it so you know where you're heading a
45:54
relationship is all about about Direction and conversations but you don't need to try before buy yes you
46:00
what do you mean well that's what boyfriend girlfriend is do that's what boyfriend girlfriend you were you arranged to Jared no sorry I mean like
46:07
like living with them and things like that before marriage you don't need to do that I think it's important look I'm
46:12
a I'm a very Trad I am a very traditional person I believe in a lot of things biblical right but there's
46:19
certain things that I just can't agree with one I think it's important to live with someone before you get married I
46:24
don't think you need to I think it's Nishi just because you got lucky with the person you moved in with after you
46:29
got married some people move in and they find out that they're married to a disgusting grub or someone that they
46:35
just physically can't live with seeing someone for seeing someone Aisha seeing
46:40
someone for 2 hours a day compared to living with someone permanently are two very different things no I agree but but
46:46
I'm also saying like it's not a stark difference i' be very surprised if you've dated someone for long enough and then all these surprises come out then
46:52
that's just that person was lying to you from the start like you can tell tell and learn habits if you're spending enough time with someone for a very long
46:58
duration of time unless you get married within a year that's very different secondly I just want to throw this in
47:04
there too once again I'm very traditional I'm very biblical but I think it's so important to figure out
47:11
your sexual chemistry with your partner before you get married I think it's so important to have sex before marriage
47:16
with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with I disagree I don't think that these that these days that's a thing to be honest it's very
47:23
rare to find a virgin these days it is very rare it is very rare and to me did you see that stat that that not that
47:28
stat but this this uh woman came out and I actually put it in our in our personal chat she said that a a Woman by the age
47:34
of 23 in this day in this modern time would have had more sexual partners Than
47:39
a Woman by the age of 53 in this modern time yeah I agree 100% age it's a whole different time so access accessible
47:45
right now it's ridiculous um but can you imagine can you imagine like dating someone for 3 years never having sex and
47:53
then you finally get married right right and the sex is just really really but
47:59
that's if you value sex like that's if you value sex you cannot say sexual chemistry is one of is one of the most
48:05
important things in a relationship it is it is but you can grow that you can learn together you can learn together
48:11
work on that what if uh uh vagina is way too small for his massive
48:17
penis like no no but I'm being serious like really painful like really bad and
48:22
it's just not compatible well I think it's I'm telling you now I mean that yeah and there's a
48:29
reason why I'm saying this cuz I know someone that got div I know someone that got divorced after a year of getting married and they were celibate and the
48:35
reason for the divorce was a sexual what's the likelihood of that happening well it happened to them 56% they if
48:42
we're going off stats here it's not 5 back to the divorce rate then I don't think 56% of divorces are because of I'm
48:49
not saying that yeah compatible sex but that would be a high I'm just saying I think that like just
48:56
yeah TR before I don't think so I disagree you're so conservative though it's very hard to have any of these
49:02
conversations with you Nish because you are extremely conservative and you got extremely lucky with the person I know I got extremely lucky I do agree with that
49:08
but I think it's more blessed but I do than luck yeah I think I got very blessed but I I do think that if you're
49:15
with someone it's just about taking your time with that person and really figuring it out and not rushing into
49:20
anything bro look at my mate Addie you know Addie he dated this girl for 12 12
49:25
years 12 years they never lived together the second they got married right
49:33
downhill downhill downhill downhill 13 months divorced they dated for 12
49:40
years but I'm telling you now things change spending 2 hours a day with someone 3
49:47
hours a day with someone and then spending every single hour with that person changes things and I bet you they
49:53
didn't have conversations yeah 12 years of no conversation you don't know what their relationship is like though you
49:59
know what I mean I mean you probably know obviously cuz you're friends with them I'm assuming a I I taught him not to get married to be honest well you
50:05
tell everyone to not get married I just want people to roll with me this guy in the single world what one
50:12
of our mates told us he got recently engaged he was telling this beautiful story about how he proposed and this
50:17
little rat comes from the side and goes why did you propose no who this when was
50:22
this I will say names after after when just tell me when it was when was this when we were in radio there was one
50:29
specific person that talked about proposing blond hair yes then you said it was such a bad idea and I like yes
50:35
you can't say that and this guy's like we're like do you want to get married and yes was like yes I will get married I will one day knowing damn well the
50:42
risk I'm you got to remember I'm a I'm a dirty little Gambler you got to remember that I'll go to the casino and I will put $1,000 on black or red hoping to
50:49
double it oh my goodness all right let's wrap this up uh we've gone on we've gone over time but what an episode that was
50:56
uh whatever get married don't get married do your life do whatever feels
51:02
right thanks for listening everybody see you guys see
51:08
you already cancelled if you like the podcast prove
51:13
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51:20
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